Stupid, stupid me.

I spent some analytical, deeply-introspective minutes the other night as I was settling in for a good night, arms behind my head, laying in the dark beside Spring as she stole the covers and tucked them by her legs and didn't give me any room but that's another post I suppose but boy my butt was cold when I woke up the next morning.

So here's how it went:

"Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I put myself down? Why do I call myself an idiot and a stupid, stupid twit often often often?"

I asked myself why if I wouldn't say that to someone else, why would I be so mean to myself (as though 'myself' was an entity somehow separate to the 'me' that thinks this crap up).

Then today as I was reflecting on this highly important self-esteem-related issue, it occurred to me. My drawing a direct relationship between calling myself an idiot and not calling someone an idiot in front of their faces was a poor comparison. Don't make the mistake of drawing that parallel.

To the degree that I call myself an idiot to myself privately, I call others idiots privately to myself. "What a fucking idiot" I say to myself about so and so. "I just don't get it, why are they so uncaring?" I ask myself. I wouldn't say that to their faces.

So I figure here's a theory: If I train myself to by less judgemental of others, maybe I'll be less judgemental of myself. And then I'll feel better about myself, and shine a bit more and then feel less likely to feel judgemental about others.

Except those who have soul-patches above their chins. Or those who wear hip-packs. Or those who talk loudly on cell phones.

Or the ultimate villians - those who smoke outside buildings in the vestibule to guarantee anyone walking through their offensive, irritating, selfish plumes of tobacco smoke will smell like their disgusting selfish habit for an hour.

Phew.